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Lisa King

August 07, 2012

Last week I was talking to a friend who said how hard it was to know what to do after Noah and Aaron passed away.  He said that he knew that we would probably have a hundred casseroles dropped off at the time, and he and his wife found it hard to know what else they could do.

I know that before Aaron and Noah passed away I probably would’ve been exactly the same – wondering how anything I could do could make any difference.

But since going through it there have been so many thoughtful and amazing things that people have done for me and my boys. And I hope I remember them, so I can do it for others in the future.

During the last General Conference, Elder Ronald Rasband gave a talk titled “Special Lessons.” The highlight of the talk—for me—was when he said, “If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, ‘Let me know if I can help’ is really no help at all.”

My boys and I have been blessed in so many ways since Aaron and Noah’s passing by people who have just jumped in.  They didn’t ask if they could help or what they could do. They just did it.

Like Elder Rasband, I know that people mean well and are being very genuine when they say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.”

But to be honest, they won’t ever hear from me.

I very rarely ask anyone for help.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t need help. Sometimes I’m not even sure what help I need. But help has most definitely in come, in so many ways in the last ten months. 

There have been some huge blessings like the garden makeover and the fundraiser- that someone we don’t even know-held for us.  But not everyone has the ways or means to do something so big.

We received beautiful flowers and cards and had meals and treats dropped off, which were a wonderful comfort during the early days. Bags of groceries were left on our front door. Special plants and trees were given to us for our garden in remembrance of Noah. Parcels arrived with beautiful picture books for the boys and books about grief for me.  Cards with movie tickets in them were left in our mailbox, just so we could go and “do something fun” together. People who made personalised jewellery sent hand-crafted bracelets and necklaces. Vouchers for takeaway meals, teddy bears, statues, and journals were among the many gifts that came our way. And the list goes on.

All of these things have meant so much to us, but there were also other things that people did for us that didn’t cost a thing. 

A very special friend came up to me not long after Aaron passed away.  She said that she wasn’t a good cook (which is actually not true!) and the only thing she could think to do to help was give me time– time to think, time to grieve, time to myself, time to cry without the boys around. 
She told me that on a regular basis she would take Kobe while my other boys were at school, to give me a block of time to do whatever I wanted – whether it was spending time at the cemetery by myself, going to appointments, or just being by myself.  
If she had said, “Let me know if I can ever take Kobe for you,” I never would have asked her. 

But often, it’s the even smaller things that let me know I’m not alone in this.

It’s the email or text message that I receive during the day from someone who wants to let me know that they are thinking of me.  It’s the person walking past me at church who just gives me a rub on the arm as they walk past, letting me know that they care, even though they don’t know what to say. 

It’s my friend who I was talking to last week, who said he didn’t know what they could do to help.

The funny thing is that he’s helped me so much, just by not being scared to ask me how I am coping each week.  He’s not worried that I’m going to be honest and tell him I’m having a bad day. He listens. He lets me know that he is also missing Aaron and Noah. And that means more to me than anything.

Lisa King is a woman of faith with a zest for life who loves photography, chocolate, helping children with special needs and being a mum. TOFW first met Lisa at the Sydney, AU event in July 2011. We have been amazed at her ability to SEEK THE GOOD thru the trials that have come her way, including unexpectedly losing her son and husband within 4 months of each other. Lisa was born and raised, and continues to live in the beautiful area of Tasmania, AU and looks forward to the day when she can introduce her boys to Rexburg, Idaho, USA, where she has incredible memories of a year at college before returning to Australia where she met and married her sweetheart, the late Aaron King.