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Lisa King

September 11, 2012

Usually I look forward to spring.  Usually I can’t wait to see the blossoms on the trees after the long Tasmanian winters. Usually I long to wake up to brighter mornings and warmer days. Harri was born two weeks past his due date, and we always teased him that he was just waiting to be born on the first day of spring, because that’s when he finally arrived. 

Every year I hold on for the first day of spring. But this year I dreaded it.   

This year Harri’s birthday was supposed to be extra special.  Like every other year, it would be the first day of spring. But unlike every other year, he would be turning eight.  

Just after Aaron passed away I sat with my boys and we cried and talked together.  As we talked about what had just happened Harri sobbed, “But Daddy was supposed to baptise me this year.”

As the weeks got closer to Harri’s birthday, he started to get excited, knowing that Aaron wouldn’t be here for it.  There was a lot of talk in our house about his baptism as he decided who he wanted to speak and participate.  One day as we were driving to school Kobe asked, “Why do you get baptised?”
I explained to him that being baptised is about following Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
He then said very seriously, “I’m not following Heavenly Father.” 

I looked at Jalen with raised eyebrows and said, “Aren’t you Kobe?” and was worried about what he was going to say next. 

He responded, “I’m not following Heavenly Father on Instagram because he hasn’t got any photos! I’m not following him on Twitter either!  I am going to get baptised though!”

Jalen and I just about wet ourselves laughing. We imagined what Heavenly Father’s photos and tweets would be if He were on Instagram and Twitter. But after all the laughter, I found myself feeling just as heavy and disappointed as before that Aaron wouldn’t be there.  

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days ever, but as I typed my brother’s name in the spot where Aaron’s should’ve been on the program, tears flowed.

My entire family was able to be there, and I felt Aaron and Noah close by. I’m sure they were just as proud of Harri as I was.  At the end of the day he put his arms around me and said, “I feel happy and think I made the right choice today, Mum.”

It was an emotional day followed by another emotional day. It was Father’s Day here in Australia, like so many other days that used to be special, but are now just hard.

I can’t help but think about how many more of these days I have in my future. But it’s not just the special days that are hard. 

It’s every day.

Every day I miss the little things, like Aaron complaining that my legs lying on top of his were making him uncomfortable, as we watched our favourite TV show together.  I miss his constant jokes and us trying not to laugh too much because it would just encourage him. I miss him yelling at the TV as he watched his favourite teams play sport.  I miss him wrestling with the boys after work every night, while I yelled at them to be careful before someone gets hurt (and without fail someone always ended up in tears).  I miss his complaining about hay fever at this time of the year.  I even miss his snoring that I used to moan about every night.

When Noah was alive I didn’t take any of it for granted, because I knew that our time together would be too short.  I was even grateful that I had to get up in the middle of the night to suction him or turn him in bed, because I knew how lucky we were to still have him with us. 

But I never expected that my time with Aaron would be cut short.  I wish that he was still here. Not just for the special events and big days like Harri’s baptism. I wish he was here for the everyday things seemed so normal and ordinary at the time. Those are things I took for granted.

Lisa King is a woman of faith with a zest for life who loves photography, chocolate, helping children with special needs and being a mum. TOFW first met Lisa at the Sydney, AU event in July 2011. We have been amazed at her ability to SEEK THE GOOD thru the trials that have come her way, including unexpectedly losing her son and husband within 4 months of each other. Lisa was born and raised, and continues to live in the beautiful area of Tasmania, AU and looks forward to the day when she can introduce her boys to Rexburg, Idaho, USA, where she has incredible memories of a year at college before returning to Australia where she met and married her sweetheart, the late Aaron King. To read more about Lisa, her family, and her journey, visit her blog.