Usually I look forward to spring. Usually I can’t wait to see the
blossoms on the trees after the long Tasmanian winters. Usually I long to wake
up to brighter mornings and warmer days. Harri was born two weeks past his due
date, and we always teased him that he was just waiting to be born on the first
day of spring, because that’s when he finally arrived.
Every year I hold on for the first day of
spring. But this year I dreaded it.
This year Harri’s birthday was supposed to
be extra special. Like every other
year, it would be the first day of spring. But unlike every other year, he
would be turning eight.
Just after Aaron passed away I sat with my
boys and we cried and talked together.
As we talked about what had just happened Harri sobbed, “But Daddy was
supposed to baptise me this year.”
As the weeks got closer to Harri’s birthday,
he started to get excited, knowing that Aaron wouldn’t be here for it. There was a lot of talk in our house
about his baptism as he decided who he wanted to speak and participate. One day as we were driving to school
Kobe asked, “Why do you get baptised?”
I explained to him that being baptised is
about following Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
He then said very seriously, “I’m not
following Heavenly Father.”
I looked at Jalen with raised eyebrows and
said, “Aren’t you Kobe?” and was worried about what he was going to say
next.
He responded, “I’m not following Heavenly
Father on Instagram because he hasn’t got any photos! I’m not following him on
Twitter either! I am going to get
baptised though!”
Jalen and I just about wet ourselves
laughing. We imagined what Heavenly Father’s photos and tweets would be if He
were on Instagram and Twitter. But after all the laughter, I found myself
feeling just as heavy and disappointed as before that Aaron wouldn’t be there.
It was supposed to be one of the happiest
days ever, but as I typed my brother’s name in the spot where Aaron’s should’ve
been on the program, tears flowed.
My entire family was able to be there, and
I felt Aaron and Noah close by. I’m sure they were just as proud of Harri as I
was. At the end of the day he put
his arms around me and said, “I feel happy and think I made the right choice
today, Mum.”
It was an emotional day followed by another
emotional day. It was Father’s Day here in Australia, like so many other days
that used to be special, but are now just hard.
I can’t help but think about how many more
of these days I have in my future. But it’s not just the special days that are
hard.
It’s every day.
Every day I miss the little things, like
Aaron complaining that my legs lying on top of his were making him uncomfortable,
as we watched our favourite TV show together. I miss his constant jokes and us trying not to laugh too much
because it would just encourage him. I miss him yelling at the TV as he watched
his favourite teams play sport. I
miss him wrestling with the boys after work every night, while I yelled at them
to be careful before someone gets hurt (and without fail someone always ended
up in tears). I miss his
complaining about hay fever at this time of the year. I even miss his snoring that I used to moan about every
night.
When Noah was alive I didn’t take any of it
for granted, because I knew that our time together would be too short. I was even grateful that I had to get
up in the middle of the night to suction him or turn him in bed, because I knew
how lucky we were to still have him with us.
But I never expected that my time with
Aaron would be cut short. I wish
that he was still here. Not just for the special events and big days like
Harri’s baptism. I wish he was here for the everyday
things seemed so normal and ordinary at the time. Those are things I took for
granted.
Lisa King is a woman of faith with a zest for life who
loves photography, chocolate, helping children with special needs and being a mum. TOFW
first met Lisa at the Sydney, AU event in July 2011. We have been amazed at her ability to SEEK
THE GOOD thru the trials that have come her way, including unexpectedly losing
her son and husband within 4 months of each other. Lisa was born and raised, and continues to live in the beautiful area of
Tasmania, AU and looks forward to the day when she can introduce her boys to Rexburg, Idaho, USA, where she has incredible memories of a
year at college before returning to Australia where she met and married her
sweetheart, the late Aaron King. To read more about Lisa, her family, and her journey, visit her blog.Photo by Alana Aston Photography